Sentence 2

His Sentence:

The light, he'd gone into the light, and everything seemed hard now the surface behind him, the air around him, and he couldn't see.

From: Star Trek Deep Space Nine Unity, by S.D. Perry

A compound sentence is created to add emphasize to what had gone into the light. An appositive is added in the beginning to emphasize that he went into the light. He also used polysyndeton to explain what had gone into the light.

My Sentence:

The heat, she cercame to the heat, and everyone seems to be upset now, the mood is low, and she is in a better place.